My thoughts:

Ok, so I need to spill. Big time. Face it - I'm not a perfect Christian girl!

Tonight we went to Saw You At the Pole. It was AMAZING, and I think it was ... wow. Just, wow. We got there at 7:00, I met up with L.N., we met a mom I know, and she told me that her daughter was on the front row saving a seat for me. So I and L.N. walked around the back of the civic center, and all of a sudden, someone touches me on my arm, I turn, and there's a friend I haven't seen in what seems like years! (Actually, I'm sure it's been at least one year) He asked me about Washington, :D which was like, awesome, then I asked about his family, and how old he was. I was like, 17???!!! When did we grow up? I told him how old I was at his inquiry, all the while thinking that he was cute, and really nice, (and his mom likes me *brownie points*) and that his older sister ran away from home several years ago for a week or two, then came back and is now married, and that Mom had told me that only about a month ago, all the while thinking, "Stephanie, remember, PURITY, especially of MIND right now! All guys are just FRIENDS!! Anything else at this time in your and his lives is not necessary, and it's too early to know anyway, and I wish I could ask him for his phone number so I could call him, after all, he was the one that approached me, right? (But I don't have a CELL PHONE!) I didn't even see him at first. It took me a few seconds after he touched my arm, and I said, "You're _________, right? Awesome! I haven't seen you in forever!" I was also thinking about how glad I was that I had put on makeup before leaving the house, and how did he recognize me so quickly and with such surety?! lol. Anyway, after a minute or two of talking, his friends came up and started talking to him, so I sat there for a sec talking to L., then put my hand on his shoulder and said, "See you later, man!" and walked away. It was so cool. I actually didn't realize I was thinking he was cute and all until I walked away and just THOUGHT about the conversation. Wow. How does a girl's mind analyze a guy in like, 2 seconds and form an opinion? I really am striving for purity, especially of mind, now, and tonight was a test! I didn't exactly ace it, but I didn't fail, either. Hmm...Anyhow. On to more of the story. So we sit down, etc. etc., get told to scoot down, etc, etc. I don't want to type out everything that happened, so I'll only hit the highlights. There was a weird/funny/gross drama, then some music where everyone started jumping up and down and waving their arms like they were trying to imitate the fans in the JB's "When You Look Me In the Eyes" music video. I didn't do it, and neither did L.N., but K. did - but there is nothing wrong with letting loose, don't get me wrong! I just didn't quiet feel like it yet. Then there was a little talk about how parents should take their little kids out if they weren't sure about the drama that was next because it was graphic and stuff...and then they talked about how letting sin into your life was giving it power...immoral, (like, REALLY immoral) magazines, drugs, and alcohol, and how when you give in to it just a little bit, you're giving it power...to wreck your life. Then the drama began. I have no idea how the main actor didn't quit after the first practice. It was like, these ninja guys who attacked this teenage guy who just stopped to tie his shoe, and they really whacked him up with these ... whip things, literally chained him up with chains, even around his neck, kicked him, pretended to give him a shot of ...drugs... (I'm sure it was just water), force alcohol down him, and make him look at R-Rated magazines. They beat him up a little bit longer, then ran away. After a little bit, the guy tries to get up, but the chains always make him fall down. Eventually, a man comes up on stage and starts helping him, then a woman comes up, then 2 more people, they get the chains off the boy, then carry him to the cross at the other end of the stage. Whoa. It was really ... impressive and almost frightening. Especially when you're on the front row, like ME. lol, anyway, so then we listen to a pastor preach, and his main message was, of course, about how we (as teens) have a lot of power and opportunities in our lives, and we are just throwing them away when we use drugs, alcohol, or terrible addictions to try to fill the hole in ourselves. But what really stuck out at me in the next part of the sermon: We are the leaders of tomorrow, and our siblings, and eventually, our children will be watching us, and following our example. They believe in us. Our parents, principles, teachers, friends, they all believe in us to make the right choices, to be the right example, and to succeed. I can't remember the rest of the sermon, but it was really good. Oh! The story of Samuel, how he said "Speak, Lord, your servant is listening." , how we "hear" everything, but do we choose to listen? Do we REALLY listen to God? He is very quiet, and in all the noise, we have to take time out and really listen to him, because he speaks to us ALL THE TIME, but are we listening? No. Hmm... I feel like my part of that is, I'm too busy. TOO BUSY, especially to take time out to do a devotion. I do Bible in school, right? I am going to ask God to help me remedy this problem, because it really is terrible. Anyway, then he talked about why and how we need Christ, and then he prayed, and had people come forward, told us to ignore peer pressure, because when we arrive before God to be judged, you can't say, well, I didn't make the choice that night to follow you, well...because...my friend said it wouldn't be cool. So then they invited anyone who wanted to pray to come to the front, and a lot of men from the sponsoring church fanned out in the front, and were praying, and it was just amazing. I was sitting there praying, too, because I've seen so many of those kids, and I just felt their pain. Ohhhhh... and it was one of those, "everyone else is crying, but I really don't want to cry and make my mascara run, so I'll just wait till I get home to cry. right. " I really wasn't able to have a good cry when I got home. anyway, so, since I was on the front row, I felt like I should join and start praying with people and giving hugs, but I just felt like I didn't really know anyone,and no one had ever probably even seen me, so I felt like it would be weird for whoever I helped, so I stayed in my chair. I hope someday to lead someone to Christ, but tonight I didn't get up the guts. It was almost funny, because almost every chair was EMPTY after the altar call. The first ones up there, I think were all guys, and they were giving gut-wrenching sobs and trying to hold them back and you could tell that they were REALLY there to give their life to Jesus, which is so cool. I wanted to go give them big hugs and tell them that I was proud of them, but like I said earlier, their stranger alerts would probably sound. (!) Many of the others I felt like went up there just because everyone was up there. Or maybe all the school systems have just experienced an awesome revival tonight. Who knows. Then we came home, and I wanted to just sit in my room and cry, but I really couldn't cry. Isn't it annoying when that happens?!
I have really realized how much quiet time with God is important. I mean, you read books today, and it's not even mentioned, really, and you look at old-fashioned books, and it's like, they pray on their knees every night for 2 hours! There is balance to everything, but it sounds like an interesting plan. Just listening. Wow. My motormouth has a little trouble with that.
I also really REALLY REALIZED how many kids there are in schools, (all the surrounding area schools were there tonight), and how many of them are unsaved. They need prayer so bad. (Well we all do, but you get my drift. So many bad influences can be in school, and stuff, boyfriend/girfriend dating stuff that can seriously get you in trouble, etc.)In the homeschool group, which is all I know, everyone (or pretty close) is already saved, and we all agree aboug God and stuff. It just gave me a heart for today's teens who feel SO lost, cause I've been like that SO many times. I think I might get in touch with one of the leaders at the rally, and try to get to be friends with her, and ask her about what can I do for your "evangelization" efforts? I want so bad to do something for the teens in our town and surrounding towns, but I have no clue what to do. Another thing that dawned on me while I was there: just the passing of time, how little time we have, and to me, that is really sad. Looking back and remembering, and saying, I didn't appreciate that time while it was here. I wish I would've."
Ha, but I really need to get into the Word of God, which says:
Ecc. 2: 24 A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, :25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? :26 To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Also,Ecc. 5: 18 Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. :19 Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. :20 He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
Note verse 20 of the above passage. I guess I need to pray that God will occupy me with gladness of heart! And get my mind off of the past, because I can't change it! Because otherwise, to quote once more from Ecclesiases, "Everything is meaningless!"
One of the women who was part of everything tonight was just amazing, and I really want to get to know her (as said further above), and another thing is I want her to mentor me, if after much prayer, I feel like God is leading me to do that. I know, Mom is my mentor. But another mentor never hurt, right? She seems like a very strong Christian lady who is really understanding about teen struggles. Her church is starting a teen girl's bible study on Oct. 6th, monthly, so I think I might start going to that, and check her out some more. One more thing! Before I send my 12:30 AM tired body to bed. I just bought a new song on iTunes ... today! So here is the chorus, which is totally awesome:
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I will run -I will fly
I will live to be a sacrifice
Through it all I'll rise above
Unafraid I will face what comes
I will run - I will fly
And for my faith I'll live & die
I'll be strong - I will press on
For the sake of Your beautiful name
Your beautiful name
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I think that the lyrics there are all correct. Anyway, G'night!
Had to share my guts before I forget and lose these memories!
S.S.
aka
R.W.

Note: the perfect Christian girl comment came from a GREAT article that I am considering trying it's suggested techniques - it's from brio mag! Here's the link: http://www.briomag.com/briomagazine/spiritualhealth/a0007816.html It is really good - called The Sisterhood!
Note: DO you realize that it's almost 1:00 am my time? How did the time escape me?